A Triple Dose of MRIs

Yesterday I had an MRI.  Well, to be accurate, I had three MRIs.  It's what happens when you start getting old(er) and all the joints in your body start to protest for no discernible reason.  Hence, the MRIs.  One for each shoulder and one for my knee.

I've had an MRI before, but it was several years ago.  I don't remember it being any big deal.  A bit noisy but they let me listen to music and tucked me in all snug while the monster machine did its magic. 

Fortunately, I'm not claustrophobic.  But when the technician said it would take about an hour and a half, it did give me a moment's pause. The technician wasn't a bad guy, but he really wasn't all that warm and fuzzy either.  He whipped through his instructions on how to undress/dress and then position myself on the MRI machine for the first go round. As he handed me a tiny pair of earplugs, he said the first two sessions on my shoulders would each take 20 minutes and that I had to remain absolutely still.  I quickly shoved the earplugs in my ears and off we went.

Did I mention that I'm not claustrophobic?  Because I did have to remind myself of that, as I was slowly fed into the tiny cannon-like opening where the ceiling was only a few inches from my nose.  All I'm saying is it would have been an tight squeeze for Cyrano de Bergerac. So I figured it was best to just close my eyes and think of other things.  Which I did until the first explosion happened.

Okay, it wasn't really an explosion, it only sounded and felt like it in my right ear.  My first reaction was to  reach up and push that tiny little earplug in farther...which of course, I couldn't do.  Remember, I had to "remain absolutely still." The first explosion was followed by the incessant pounding of a jackhammer (or maybe it was a machine gun being fired) and then some obnoxiously loud clicking noises.  After that, there was a lull.

That's when I knew I needed a distraction if I was going to get through this thing.  Think about something else.  Focus.  But all I could focus on was how dang cold my feet were.  Somehow during the technician's instructions on undressing I missed the fact that I could have left my socks on!  Oh well, a little late to be worry about that.

What else could I think about?  Bible verses!  I've been memorizing Bible verses since I was a little girl.  What an excellent time to review them in my head.  Wait a minute!  I know that I know more than four Bible verses!  I won prizes in Sunday School for scripture memorization.  C'mon, think!  Panic...you see with my family history, it's not good when you start forgetting things that you've always known. I mean, was I even going to remember how to get home once this was over?

That's about  when my little bed gave a jerk and suddenly moved a bit.  And then the noise began all over again. This same cycle when on for twenty minutes during which time I fought the urge to cough, sneeze, scratch and hiccup.  Why my throat began to close up while I was in there, I'll never know, but I swear, that for awhile, I couldn't swallow or breathe.

At one point, I heard the technicians voice come through a little speaker asking if I was okay.  When I told him, yes, he immediately said that I had about 11 minutes to go and then he was gone and I was left to pass those 11 minutes as best I could.

When the first MRI was finally over, the technician came in all business-like and shifted things around on the machine to start on my other shoulder.  That's when he told me that they don't usually schedule so many of these at one time because people have a hard time staying still for that long.  Couldn't he have told me that after the last MRI instead of after the first one when I still had two more to go?

So we repeated the process on the second shoulder.  But this time when I came out of the machine, I was deaf.   No kidding.  When Mr. Technician started talking to me, I could barely hear him over the ringing in my ears.  That lasted all  last night and into this morning.  It's finally gotten better, although I still hear a humming in my ears when everything else is quiet. 

During the third MRI, which was on my left knee, I was so cold that I could barely keep from shivering.  The only thing that kept me still was the fear that I would mess up the MRI and they would have to do it over and then they'd charge me for another one.  I'd already freaked myself out over how much all of this is going cost.  I finally just resigned myself to living retirement on the streets.

So now I wait.  I'm hoping that the MRIs will reveal something minor and easy to fix in both my shoulders and my knee.  So far, anti-inflammatories and physical therapy haven't done it.  I moan and groan and hobble around and think that I'm too young for all of this.  And now, thanks to the MRIs I'm also going to need a hearing aid!