Letting Go

Letting go.  It seems like I have been working on this for such a long time.  There are so many areas where I have been struggling to release my hold. 

Not long ago, I was puzzling over why this is so difficult for me... especially when it involves people and things that I know are right to let go.  Maybe it's selfishness.  Maybe it's insecurity.  And maybe, it's that sense of loss that comes with letting go of something that I've loved and needed.

I've come to realize that, for me, the process of letting go needs to happen in layers.  I can't simply open my hand or heart and release that which I have been holding close.  There is not a single thread that binds it to me.  Instead, it is a tapestry of countless threads that has been woven throughout my life.

To release it means there will be a hole where once there was something precious.  Maybe if I knew what would fill that hole, it would be easier to let go.

However, the only thing I know for sure is that if I don't release that person or situation, I will either end up strangling it, or it will end up strangling me. Neither one is an acceptable choice.

So, here I am.  Letting go...a little at a time.  And the amazing thing is that only as my grip loosens, will I have strength to embrace something new.

Restless

I don't plan on turning this blog into a "Top 40" of my favorite songs. But lately, this song has been playing on the radio, as I've travelled to and from work. Each time I hear it, it draws my heart to a place of peace and hope.  May it do the same for you.

Be Still My Soul

My world turned upside down this week.  Just as with so many other workplaces, we had lay offs at my work.  My boss was laid off and suddenly, this tight-knit "family" of coworkers, who have shared so much together, was split a part.  The confusion, pain and sense of loss is intense for all of us.

It is in times like these that I am reminded how temporal and fleeting everything is in this life.  God never promised us safety and security in this life.  But He did promise that He would never leave us or forsake us as we travel through the pain and struggles of this world. 

So it is to that promise that I run today.  It is in that assurance that I must find my strength and confidence to move forward regardless of the pain. For I know that He is still in control.

Sisters

Once a year my four sisters and I have the opportunity to get away together for a long weekend at Whistler B.C.  This is that weekend.  At this very moment I am sitting in front of  a window that opens onto gorgeous mountains and towering condos that overlook the Whistler Olympic Village. 

While the sun is streaming in right now, there have been moments of clouds and showers. But regardless of what the weather is doing, it is a time of relaxation and refreshment from the struggles of my everyday life...which seem to be rather intense at the moment.

Here's the thing.  There are five women staying in a two-bedroom condo.  We are different in many ways from one another.  Most are more liberal in their thinking than I am.  Some are way more athletic than me (although I did manage a 7.5 mile walk yesterday morning), and all of them choose red nail polish for their toes while I'm definitely a pink girl. But none of that matters.  Here's why.

Being family creates bonds like none other.  Sadly, for some, they are painful bonds.  But for my sisters and me, the ties we share are priceless treasures.  There are so many things that only the five of us understand.  There are silly sayings that have evolved over the years that send us into gales of laughter.  There are sweet memories of our childhood that only the five of us remember.  And there are shared sorrows and struggles that knit us even closer together.

So despite our different lives, for these four days each summer, my sisters and I get to be a family again. We shop, eat, talk, and laugh.  But most of all, we get to just be "girls" again...regardless of what the mirror might tell us!

A Truth

Letting go.  One of the most difficult things to do.

Breaking Free!

How would you describe yourself?  Are you a rule-follower, a risk-taker, a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants person?  Are you predictable or wild and crazy?

I have to admit that I'm pretty much the ultimate predictable rule-follower.  Always responsible.  Always dependable. Always frugal. Sounds pretty boring, right?

Well, last night, I threw caution to the wind!  I went totally crazy!  I opened a new carton of yogurt without finishing the old one just because I wanted to!!  That's right,  Did you catch that?  I didn't finish the old one!!

When I did my predictable Friday night grocery shopping, I bought TWO cartons of that expensive Greek yogurt I told you about in an earlier post.  It was on sale and was the same price as my usual yogurt, so I bought it.  I figured I'd be responsible and just finish up the old yogurt and then I'd have this delicious treat waiting for me.

But last night when I went to pack my lunch for today, something inexplicable came over me. I looked in that carton of almost gone yogurt and suddenly snapped the lid back on and shoved it to the back of the fridge .  Instead, I pulled out one of those cartons of creamy, honey-flavored yogurt and boldly filled my little plastic container.

I felt frivolous!  I felt empowered!  I felt...a little guilty!  But it didn't matter!  I was breaking out of that old predictable pattern of ME! 

At lunch today, I enjoyed every honey-laden spoonful of yogurt. And I'm looking forward to another helping of it for lunch tomorrow.  It's great to have something so freeing to look forward to! 

Of course, I still need to do something with that old yogurt carton that's in the back of my fridge.  Maybe once everyone has gone to bed tonight I can take it out to the garbage can.  And hide it under some vegetable peels or something.  Okay, so maybe I still have a little ways to go before I totally break free...

A Hiding Place

I have some wonderful things happening in my life right now. And I give thanks to God for them. 

But as often happens, our blessings are often closely followed by struggles that are simply a part of life in this broken world.  And so it is in my life.  Right there next to the joyous blessings are some very tenuous and uncertain situations. 

The thing I need to remember is that they are not tenuous or uncertain to God.  And just as He fully knows the blessings He has chosen to shower on me right now, He also knows  the outcome to  the uncertainties that are touching my life.  And best of all, He has promised that I will never have to walk through them alone. He is with me.

During times like this, I am so thankful for songs that  provide an oasis from the struggles; that offer refreshment and renewed strength.  Songs like this one.

Quote

 I keep a little note pad where I write down quotes that speak to me.  It is filled with words from many different sources and from many different people. 

Occasionally, I love to go back and read them.  Nearly all of them continue to speak to me just like they did when I originally wrote them down. 

Here's one by Jan Karon from her book, "Home to Holly Springs." It may be short, but it's powerful.  Take a moment to really grasp the truth of it. It will leave you humbled and hopefully, grateful to a God who daily showers us with His grace.

"Grace cannot be repaid."

Feeling Positive

I don't know about you, but some days it's just a little hard to get that positive mojo going.  I'd rather stay in bed and pull the covers up over my head.  Please tell me you've had days like that too.  Please!

But I've found the cure for those gloomy, negative times.  All you have to do is watch this video a few times and look out world, you'll be raring to go.  I promise!

Weddings!

Well, they did it.  Chelsea and Marc are finally married and the rest of the country can now go back to their everyday lives. It must be tough to have millions of people trying to catch a glimpse of what most of us would consider a private occasion.  But I imagine Chelsea is pretty used to the publicity by now.  And who knows...she'd probably have been a little disappointed if everyone chose to watch baseball instead of trying to catch a glimpse of her special day.

All of the hoopla kind of took me back to 1981 when my husband and I got married.  Ours was a small private affair on an April afternoon.  Some of you may remember that there was another wedding that took place a few months later that year.  I think it was in Britain...yes, and as I recall...it involved Prince Charles and the soon-to-be Princess Diana.

I always felt a little sorry for the Prince and Princess, trying to pull off their nuptials in the shadow of our wedding.   But given the circumstances, I guess they managed.  Although, we were much better at keeping the paparazzi at bay.  I don't think they got one picture of me slipping through the crowds in a big floppy hat and sunglasses.  Just shows how discreet we were!

But now that the Clinton/Mezvinsky wedding is a thing of the past, I'll be focusing my attention on my daughter's upcoming wedding again.  I admit, that I was a bit sidetracked there for a few days.  But no more.  We've got a wedding to plan here!

So just for the heck of it, I'm  including a fun video by Francis Chang.  I played it for Elizabeth and Joel a few weeks ago and I hope they take it to heart.  You can never have too much romance in a marriage!

(If you have trouble with the video hanging up on one spot, just drag it a teensy bit past it and keep watching!)